8:02 p.m. :: 2007-03-30
Since the boyfriend moved here there has been no end of sexual obstacles... and I don't mean in a good sense. Let me explain:
Obstacle One: He gets out of bed to find his manhood looking a little worse for wear. I'm reluctant to be too graphic but any man who has had the symptoms of thrush or any woman who has seen it on a man will understand. Yes that's right, thrush. A nasty little yeast infection that is sure to doom any sex life for a small period of time. A few hours later, I also get the feeling something isn't right downstairs. Wonderful...
Obstacle Two: The thrush clears. Happy, happy joy joy right? Erm no. In my highly 'irritated' state all I could think and dream was 'Canesten' (other brands are available) meaning all thoughts of birth control were far from my tiny mind. Thrush ends. Period
begins. The story continues...
Obstacle Three: Period is coming to a close. We both have all day Thursday off and all I can dream of is 24 hours of writhing bed ridden nudity, skin against skin and all that jazz. Wednesday morning comes and I feel a strange sensation in my nethers. Ahhh, how lovely, my friend 'The Lurgey' has come to pay me an unexpected visit. ('The Lurgey' is not actually my friend, it is my mortal enemy - contracted from a friendly holiday rep when I was 19. Always use a condom).
So here I am, sexless and frustrated (although let us all praise my pocket pleaser). I am left with nothing more than the ability to give, which is ok in the short term but after you spend almost 2 years in a long distance relationship, when your fella moves in you wanna milk that bitch for all you can get. There is milking, but I ain't getting none.